so of a little lighter nature … ben and i have done a bit of traveling in the last 6 months or so and i am quite behind in posting my pictures from our various travels!
in april we went to florida – technically as a business trip for ben. we made it into a business & pleasure trip! we were able to see his side of the family and my grandparents and stayed in a luxurious (for us) hotel thanks to Duke! 
it was great! here are a few shots:
this past sunday, we sang a song at church that really caught my attention. it wasn’t the music, or the singer who was singing it. it was the lyrics and the unconditional declaration they are making. the chorus of this song says, “you are good/you are good/you are good/and your mercy is forever”. these lyrics really stood out to me because the declaration is not “if things work out i will say You are good”. the declaration is made that He is good, regardless of circumstances, regardless of good or bad, He is good!
when the author wrote this song she writes that the theme for this song comes from Romans 2:4 (“Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”) and Psalm 145:8-9 (“The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.”). She says, “For me, this song was birthed from a season of what God was teaching me and showing me about Himself, and my response was and still is, You are good.”.
i love the part in psalm 145 that says, “The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.” do we see the mercy?
recently we’ve had some emotional ups & downs – so good news and some not so good news. i was thinking about this while we were singing this song on Sunday and really had to think about “is my response in ALL situations, all circumstances still “You are good”?
another stanza in this song says, “Your kindness is forever, Your goodness is forever, Your mercy is forever”. what a comfort that His kindness, goodness & mercy are forever, unending and that they are not circumstantial based on our response or lack thereof. and His love is unconditional …
This has really been running it’s laps around in the back of my head for several months (almost a year really) but there have not been words to express what was rapid-firing inside my head. It’s really a testimony to the power & work of Christ & His care for His children. There is no other explanation for the happenings over the last year or so. Some of you have already heard some of this – but I wanted to “write” (or type) it out as a reminder to myself that He is mighty & trustworthy. I feel like so many times I’ve seen God’s hand at work, I’ve seen His power on full display, but when He makes it personal I stand it awe and am AGAIN reminded that He knows our every breath, every hair on our heads & works all things for His glory.
For many years there has been trouble in my parents’ marriage. Many reasons & circumstances. That’s not important, except that it’s been going on longer than I’ve been alive. That’s a lot of years & a lot of pain & a lot to try & work through in a short time. That is part of what makes this so amazing.
In August 2006 they separated. By the time they separated Dad wanted nothing to do with God, church etc. After some of the things he’s been told – I can’t say I blame him.
Mom moved in with some close family friends. All the kids were out of the house except Seth, he was still living w/Dad. That first Christmas Mom was at my house w/Ben & I, Kerry joined us from Radford, Seth came down from NoVa & Annie stayed with Dad. we were all pretty emotional about it and it definitely was not a fun holiday season.
After that at some point Mom went to KC for a couple months and came back in January I think (forgive me if I don’t get the time frames exactly right – it’s been a while) & moved in with my sister. The whole time they were separated Mom & Dad were talking, but only about “kids stuff”. The whole time my dad would say how much he didn’t mind this whole living on his own thing & it suited him fine. Also – at some point in this time frame dad kicked Seth out for
good reasons, but in essence their relationship was also a mess.
Fast forward several months. Dad showed up on Mom’s doorstep and said he wanted to think about “reconciliation”. During most of this time my mom had been seeing a christian counselor from her church, who – I think, was a God-send. Just the right person in the right place at the right time – couldn’t be anything but God’s timing. Dr. Teague (sp?) helped sort through what was a mess, helped Mom navigate through some very crazy, somewhat muddy, waters. In time my dad starting going & talking to Dr. Teague as well.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2007. Ben & I went up to DC to spend Thanksgiving with my family. We left that Sunday and Seth had asked if we could drop him off at the bus stop in Springfield so he could catch a bus back down to Blacksburgwhere he had been living for the past month or so. Well, due to the bus being full & a few other circumstances we ended up driving Seth down to Blacksburg(a longer trip – but worth the time spent w/Seth). We walked Seth in, gave him a hug & then headed home. Little did I know this was the last time I would hug him for 6 months.
Mom called me Weds night to let me know that Seth was in jail. He had been arrested the very next morning after we dropped him off. We later came to find out that Seth was in quite a bit of trouble and was probably going to be there a while. For the next 6 months we all alternated talking with him on the phone, visiting him twice a month in the Christiansburg jail, writing letters, sending books etc. During that time I believe God really worked in Seth’s heart. I’m not sure the full extent – but I know He did something & jail was the wake up call Seth needed & God used.
During those trips to Blacksburg when Ben & I got to visit him (me more than ben) we would spend the drive with me reading outloud to Ben as he drove. One of the books we read was Tony Dungy’s “Quiet Strength” (Coach for the Indianapolis Colts). This book really ministered to me in this crazy time. Coach Dungy’s testimony & faith during some very difficult times in His own life really encouraged me. I eventually sent the book to Seth to read while he had ample reading time! 
This is just a little aside, but it’s also a great book on leadership – but leadership from a biblical perspective. If you have the chance – I would encourage you to read it. It’s got a lot of football in it, but Tony was raised in a godly home w/parents who loved God and taught their childred to love God no matter what they do in life. they also taught their children to use whereever they are in life as a platform to proclaim the Gospel. What better platform than headcoach of an NFL team! And he does use that platform for God’s glory.
This whole time I had really been wrestling with some of my own faith issues – sorting through what do I really believe, what do I believe about God in trying times? There were so many times when I was “in the depths of despair” (yes, i just referenced Anne of Green Gables!). For me this was the lowest I had ever been. I struggled to just get up in the morning, I really wrestled with “where is God?”. I knew He was in it somewhere, but I wasn’t really feeling the closeness during so many of those months. I battled a little depression & struggled to be social at all (even with people that are good friends & who I knew loved me no matter what) and really just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry all the time. Ben will tell you there were many nights when I would just bawl b/c I didn’t even have the words to cry out to God for help. It just wasn’t there. I often couldn’t even tell Ben what I was feeling. There were times I wasn’t sure I even wanted to cry out to God. I wasn’t sure what to think.
When Seth initially went in, I asked a friend who used to live in Blacksburg if she knew any lawyers down in the Blacksburg area. She said she actually did (her roomate’s husband) but wasn’t sure if he did criminal law. I figured if nothing else he might know who to send me to. God’s provision again – he was a criminal lawyer. He turned out to be a God-send to some very scared family members & one very scared 18 year old. Seth spent Christmas & his 19th birthday in jail. During this whole time there were many back-and-forths between the various districts involved and we thought Seth was going to be able to get out many times and those always fell through.
This whole time Mom & Dad had been talking and seeing Dr. Teague & talking some more. And something about Seth being in jail really brought our family close together. It also really did something to my dad – in a good way. I think in a way it really broke him. I still can’t put my finger on it – but I do know he is a different person. His demeanor has changed, he’s not angry all the time, he & Seth started to talk & try & reconcile the stuff that had caused so much crap between them. It’s amazing what something like this with God’s hand does to a family. The whole situation caused our family to draw closer.
In March or April (can’t remember which) Mom moved back in with Dad. It sounds simple when I write it – but there was so much that went in to it. So much discussion, prayer etc. But I’ll spare the details.
Well, in May, my sister Kerry was graduating from college down in Radford, VA (about 15 min from Christiansburg) where Seth was. Our whole immediate family was planning on going to the graduation. We all just figured we would arrange to visit Seth while we were all there. We arranged w/the jail staff to let our whole family come at once (usually only 2-3 are allowed at a time) – this was definitely God’s hand. Turns out that wasn’t needed. Seth got out the day before Kerry’s graduation! God’s timing is perfect. The first time our family had been together in so long.
Seth is far from being done dealing with all that he has to deal with. He still has a long road ahead of him. But I can say that he is doing better, living w/Mom & Dad & working hard. I’m so proud of my brother. He still has a lot of crap to put up with, stuff to deal with – but I know that with God anything is possible. Mom & Dad are doing pretty well – this can only be explained by saying God is at work.
This past Christmas our whole family spent Christmas together. Ben & I were up for 5 days and it was the most wonderful 5 days with my family in a long time. We laughed a lot, ate a lot, chilled together a lot & I was often reminded that God is mighty enough to take any crappy situation and turn it into good. I’m sure there are gaps in the story – but this is the basic gist of what has happened over the last 2.5 years.
The Sunday after we found out Seth was in jail, we sang this song in church on Sunday & I was in a place of not really believing the lyrics … now I can say, with full confidence … these words are true & God is faithful!
“Savior/He can move the mountains/My God is mighty to save/He is mighty to save/Forever/Author of salvation/He rose & conquered the grave/Jesus conquered the grave//So take me as You find me/All my fears & failures/Fill my life again/I give my life to follow/Everything I believe in/Now I surrender (I surrender)”
You are God alone!
Ben & I are back in NoVa for Christmas with my family! First time we’ve all been together for Christmas in over 3 years … it’s wonderful! I love my parent’s house at Christmas. Mom’s decorating, the familiar smells of the holidays at Mom’s house – it’s GREAT! it’s warm & cozy inside and cold & grey outside! there is lots of laughing and joking and eating … of course! brings back many memories! life is good! here are a few pics of our holiday so far!
Mom’s tree … each ornament is a memory for someone in our family!
For as long as I can remember we have had our Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve so Mom can relax and have a restful Christmas Day and not have to be in the kitchen all day. These are a few pics of our Christmas table …
Mom made a beautiful flower arrangement as a centerpiece for the table
me, my brother & one of my sisters …
annie givin’ ben some “love”
seth bonding with the cat …
ben & i …
